Captains outrageous

Joe R. Lansdale

Hap Collins, a chicken plant guard, saves a young woman from an attacker, and her father, the owner of the plant, rewards Hap with a large cash bonus. No good deed goes unpunished, however, and when Hap decides he and his best friend Leonard should take a cruise to Mexico and the Caribbean, their troubles begin. Leonard, angered by coat-and-tie rules at an on-board lobster dinner, causes the two to be removed from the ship in Mexico, where in short time Leonard buys an ugly hat, is knifed by an off duty policeman, and is saved from armed attackers by a geriatric fisherman and his lovely daughter. The daughter turns out to have a past that involves a Mexican mobster who's a practicing nudist and has a seven-foot tall lackey who resembles a sumo wrestler. Trying for once to stay out of other people's business, Hap is overwhelmed with regret when the senorita is murdered, and the evil...

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